Have you ever noticed how most independent, cosmopolitan, single Indian ladies crinkle their noses when they hear that one of their kind is going to sacrifice her freedom on the altar of an Arranged marriage? If I told them that I was out all of last night drinking and that I am high on cocaine just to ensure that the after effects of the night does not catch-up with me, I swear I wouldn’t get a weirder reaction, as a matter of fact they would have thought me infinitely “cooler” and a lot more “hip” had I said that!This eminently prominent reaction of theirs made me sit & waste a hours on end wondering what is it that makes a girl the Arranged-Marriage-Type and what turns her into her (supposedly) more vivacious and infinitely more popular (though God alone knows why) counterpart the Love-Marriage-Type.
However worse than the raised eyebrows of colleagues and friends, was the even more humiliating reaction of close friends, who just let their jaws drop to the floor (some almost with the precision of a cartoon character, complete with the eyes popping out of their sockets and the unrolling of the tongue on the floor following the jaws-dropping-to-the-floor bit) and their inevitable reaction of “YOU?!? An Arranged marriage? I would never have thought…”
And on my innocent query of “why?”, I would get an abysmally vague reply of “I donno… you never seemed to me like the Arranged-Marriage-Type.” This answer only makes me wish with a sudden ferocity that I were an English lady of the 1800s who’s been magically transported to the future, so that I could have swooned on the statement without insulting or offending anybody. But sadly, I am not, so I give them a somewhat strained smile and try to swear the conversation towards some topic less hazardous to my sanity.
The first place, nevertheless, in the list most atrocious reactions to my marriage has come from the small yet extremely close friend circle of mine. Trust me I base my statement on a long history of experience, when I state that these guys and gals have never failed to surprise me. These friends of the bosom or chaddi buddies so to speak of have badgered me with ONE question over and over again until the point where I have literally come dangerously close to actually swooning!
This monumental question has been: “You sure this is an arranged marriage?”; “You perfectly sure about it?”; “Swear on me you are not lying?”; “Are you absolutely positive?” And about as many different variations of the same question as imaginable. They have time and again made me feel like I were sitting on the hot seat on KBC! And as I bet you can guess, my answer has always been “YES!”; just in varying degrees of emphasis, exasperation and just plain old frustration!
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Dear “Modern girl who is going for an arranged marriage”, being a woman who is in the verge of losing her "freedom" like you ;), I completely understand what you at getting at here. First of all Marriage, be it love or arranged, is a HUGE decision on today’s world. We, as human beings are readily distracted - all we need is a catalyst be it in form of an escapade from responsibilities or intoxications in a pub (and I am not against either of them). However with Marriage, the word responsibility creeps in and so people like you & me who are viewed to be the "independent, feisty modern girls" and supposed to be in a whirlwind romance and never settle down with the "guy chosen by our parents". However what our dear friends forget is that being a Modern independent woman, it’s OUR CHOICE at the end of the day as to which way we would go. Can any one of these group of friend of yours (and am definitely not one of them because I remembered my question to you clearly "Are you absolutely sure of this?”) take the challenge of retaining their love marriages/relationships’ against all odds? If yes, I would go ahead and eat my words!
ReplyDeleteHowever knowing fully well that they can’t, I am also gonna point out another rising "FAD" in U.S. (the custom of which modern country we ape like idiots all the time) - it’s our very own Arranged Marriage. Marriage in any form comes with a decision of accepting each other’s good or bad - whether it’s arranged or love married. So at the end of the day, we should be introspecting on whether we are ready for this.
In 2010, the pre-historic definitions of arranged marriage are not valid anymore. Otherwise the dotcom sites won’t be doing so well (and we are a part of Dotcom Era).
And all this is coming from a girl who is marrying the guy she loves after 2 1/2 years – to tell you the truth; I too had my moments of indecisions.
reminds me of one of sex and the city... its not laughing matter though...
ReplyDeletei would just say that unfortunately or fortunately the whole generation W movement of the early 80s has finally turned its ugly head and left us all wondering what is it that "we women" actually want... its rather saddening but true that we have lost what we were supposedly fighting for... the freedom to be ourselves and decide our own future... individuality, independence and the essence of women has taken altogether different definitions... we are only trying to be more like the other and what the others expects us to be, instead of defining ourselves as ourselves...
as far as my views on marriage (arranged/ love) is concern, i would say Go Girl, make it happen... its your life and for you to decide. and when u make that decision make sure you are not bowed down by silly talks of independence and freedom which at the end of the day is another form of slavery... slavery to trends, slavery to a myth which is not tangible... its your happiness that counts at the end of the day and whatever decision you make is about you and not about how people think about you...
love yourself and be not scared to fall in love...